Ask a Manager

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss told me to be less harsh but I think it was a miscommunication Yesterday, I had the rare honor of crying in front of my boss. He pulled me aside to gently ask me to rein in my big and sarcastic sense of […]

• is my coworker justified in being angry that I reported him for sending out personal mail from the office?
• can I suggest a junior coworker tone down her sarcastic sense of humor?
• how do I know when it's time to give up on a promotion?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I’ve read the many times you’ve talked about how to not annoy hiring managers or badger them, but I’m wondering if I’m finding my situation a little too annoying. We’re hiring for a very specific type of job that requires a skill set that we don’t have the time or resources to […]

• why can't you contact your spouse's employer to advocate for them?
• my interview was canceled because I was "rude and pushy"
• employers need to hire more people with disabilities ... here's how

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss reprimanded them for not answering an email in four minutes? Here’s the update. Your response was really helpful. Martha had already fucked with my head so much that she really had me doubting myself — so much so, that I honestly thought you might take her side and ask me, […]

• my boss reprimanded me for not answering an email ... in four minutes
• is it ever bad to reply to an email too quickly?
• how long should you wait if someone is late to a virtual meeting?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: A staff member I manage, Marianne, is very good at her job. She’s easy to manage in that she’s on top of her work, understands the organization, and takes constructive criticism very well. She’s also the most aloof person I’ve ever met. Though she’s been part of our small team for years […]

• I manage an employee who pushes too much positivity on her team
• how do I manage an employee who's terrified of me?
• how to tell an employee to stay in their lane

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss asked us to hold him accountable for his weight loss plan I recently left an admin position at a resort that includes a high-end athletic facility in an affluent tourist area. It is a very old three-star resort that has made serious investments […]

• do I have any chance of fixing my dysfunctional job?
• how should we respond to complaints about a non-binary guest in the bathrooms?
• is my employee lying to avoid coming into the office, convention center won't turn down the music, and more

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I currently work in a management role in a government agency. For anyone who cares to do a quick Google/LinkedIn search, it is clear from my previous jobs for campaigns/issue groups/certain politicians that I’m a Democrat, but I maintain pretty strict boundaries about discussing politics at work. We are a service agency, […]

• political talk at work is making my life unbearable
• my coworker spends his day on magic and politics
• I had to quit a job because of aggressive nesting geese

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: One of my coworkers was laid off two weeks ago. She was an easy choice because her work and attitude weren’t great. Her office was next to mine so we’d have friendly conversations every day and I got along with her, but she yelled at her team constantly and wasn’t available to […]

• should I ask out my former boss, employee cc's me on everything, and more
• do I have to work in-office during my notice period?
• my coworkers think I'm flirting with them

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I work in a preclinical (no patients) research lab in a hospital. The team involved in our day-to-day work is small, consisting of three full-time employees and the lab manager. We all have to work together closely to get studies done. Our top boss and PI, Cyrus, is the head of the […]

• I manage my daughter and someone complained about her
• my boss's son constantly yells at him in the office
• my dad has been applying to jobs pretending to be me

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker doesn’t listen and then pretends she was never told I’m having an issue with my coworker, Christine. I am in no way her supervisor so I’m not sure there’s anything I can do, but here goes! Basically, she complains that our boss, Lars, […]

• my coworker responds to all problems with "at least you don't have cancer or an eating disorder"
• can I flat-out refuse to do a project?
• my boss told me to stop wearing headphones at work -- but I wear them to drown out my coworker's noise

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Last week we talked about office contests gone awry. Here are 13 of the funniest stories you shared. 1. The bugs Early in my career as a software engineer, the company wanted to improve the quality of the software products. They offered cash bonuses to the testing teams for finding bugs, and cash bonuses to […]

• our CEO challenged someone to eat dead bugs
• bringing pet spiders to work, manager is following people to the bathroom, and more
• how do I get less emotionally invested in my work?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I know that we need to accommodate employees with dietary restrictions due to health or religious needs, but what about employees who choose to go on diets? I have a colleague, Collette, who has been willingly doing a Keto diet for the last year, and she still is insufferable about it. Anytime […]

• when are potlucks a bad idea?
• my team excludes me from lunches because of my dietary restrictions
• my team is requiring us to do a diet/exercise/"mental toughness" program

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I’m writing on behalf of my husband, Bob, who recently left his job after two years. During his exit interview, he explained exactly why he was leaving. The reasons included his supervisor’s disorganized management style, expecting him to answer texts and phone calls at all hours, expecting him to log on to […]

• my abusive boss was fired after I complained about her -- what do I say to coworkers?
• my boss got fired and won't leave me alone
• how can I get out of doing an exit interview when I leave?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Is it weird to bring my toddler’s sippy cup to work with me? Is it weird to bring my toddler’s sippy cup into the office? I drop her off at daycare in the morning, and she brings her milk in the car. I don’t want […]

• how much stuff can I "move in with" on my first day at a new job?
• my interviewer was drinking a beer while sitting in a beanbag chair
• our disruptively cheerful new coworker treats us like toddlers

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Really Good, Actually, by Monica Heisey. Reeling from the break-up of her marriage, a 20something woman tries to figure out dating after divorce, […]

• the cats of AAM
• all of my 2022 and 2023 book recommendations
• all of my book recommendations from 2015-2021

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to […]

• our motivational speaker got drunk and went off the rails
• I think my employee is being maliciously compliant
• need help finding a job? start here

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My neighbor, her nephew, my kid, and her dogs My question has to do with kid work. I recently found myself in an uncomfortable situation with my middle-schooler, Falcon, and I’m wondering if I handled it badly. My neighbor, Jane, asked Falcon to check on […]

• my boss won't approve my time off for a video game competition
• what happens if I get hired at a dog-friendly company when I'm allergic to dogs?
• my company says we're dog-friendly -- but we're not

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I work in a field that has been heavily affected by layoffs in the past year. I have been lucky and managed to maintain work, but many talented people I know have not been so lucky. My question is about whether posting depressing, sad posts on social media, especially LinkedIn, affects your […]

• my brother-in-law shares TMI on LinkedIn
• I feel guilty about getting a job in my competitive field when others are still struggling
• how should I navigate social media connections during a job search?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I manage a small team, including one employee who joined us somewhat recently. This is her first time doing the kind of work that we do, and training from afar isn’t ideal (we work remotely), but she’s learning and progressing well. I give her positive feedback on her work, along with corrections […]

• how should I deal with an anxious and needy coworker?
• I'm constantly anxious that one of my employees will quit
• my needy boss wants me to "adopt" her

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Workplace contests sometimes go off the rails in ways no ever intended. (Luckily for us!) Some examples that have been shared here in the past: •. “We had a hot sauce eating contest at work years ago that ended with the crowd demanding that the contestants stop before they got hurt (and passing the hat […]

• our CEO challenged someone to eat dead bugs
• coworkers crashed my networking party, new hire wants to print everything, and more
• I don't want an intern, I'm dating my boss, and more

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My doctor’s office constantly leaves me on hold — how do I deal with this at work? Do you have any advice on how to handle important personal phone calls with LONG hold times when you’re working in a client-facing position? My doctor’s office has […]

• my coworkers come by my desk to check on emails right after sending them
• my coworker won't stop doing my job, despite our manager's direct orders
• my coworker is blackmailing me not to take time off for my honeymoon